Like exchanging house keys or meeting the parents, mingling finances is something of a relationship ritual.
That moment when yours and mine becomes ours is a traditional milestone many married couples share.
But what happens after the bloom is off the rose of a relationship?
Need a financial reset in your relationship? Here’s our guide to havingmoney conversationswith your partner.
When my husband and I first started living together, having someone share my financial problems seemed romantic.
In the honeymoon stage of our relationship, we made every financial decision together.
Were we buying more car than we could afford?
Should we transfer balances to pay down joint debt?
Money arguments are no longer about whether we have enough money to pay the bills.
After two decades, we were no longer on the same page about household finances and resentment was building.
So we decided to do something radical.
We ripped the page up and started over.
My spouse and I decided to stop arguing about money and separate our finances.
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Its been two years since we split into separate bank accounts.
Can You Be Married With Separate Finances?
Most financial assets and debt are considered joint whether you have your own account or not.
Did you know?
Even in states where the distinction only provides the illusion of financial freedom.
And that includes managing money.
Your Family Situation Is Complicated
No judgment, but blended families can create budgeting chaos.
If one partner has children from another relationship, child support and other financial obligations can get sticky.
And as families grow, priorities change.
Keeping separate accounts eliminates some of the challenges and can simplify a parents personal finance decisions.
You Manage Money Differently
Just because youre attracted to someone doesnt mean you love their money management approach.
Maybe they were raised in the lap of luxury, and youre used to scraping by or vice versa.
Even though youve decided to share your lives, it doesnt mean you have to share every spending decision.
Someone Has an Inheritance
Inheriting a big chunk of change?
Your spouse isnt entitled to that money even if you have joint accounts.
But it can be smart to create a separate savings account to manage the inheritance so theres no confusion.
You Need Financial Autonomy
During the honeymoon period, having someone to share your financial goals with seems idyllic.
Add in babies and mortgages and you could create a recipe for stress andfinancial infidelity.
This was the dealbreaker for my marriage.
He was the breadwinner.
I stayed home with the kids.
That kind of power imbalance can cause friction and exaggerate other dysfunctional relationship dynamics.
Ultimately, I wanted my financial freedom because I needed the confidence to take care of myself.
1 Big Reason to Keep a Joint Savings Account
Time for some real talk.
Studies say people who manage their money together, stay together.
That doesnt mean you have to keep everything in the same account though.
Heres what I did to separate finances from my husband and embark on a new era of financial freedom.
Discuss Why You Want to Keep Finances Separate
Yes, this is the its me, not you conversation.
Your partner deserves to know why you want to start managing money separately and what your goals are.
We have plenty ofways to help you pay off debtthats weighing you down.
Decide how youll divvy up household bills like utilities and who is responsible for paying them moving forward.
Dont forget tosafely share passwordsto access online accounts and take care of switching over any auto payments.
Decide who handles different categories of monthly expenses, from food and dining out to gym memberships.
Set aside some money and track those expenses monthly to adjust accordingly.
Talk Discretionary Spending
Separate isnt equal.
Set Some Shared Financial Goals
Just because youve separated finances doesnt mean you shouldnt work toward shared financial goals.
Reevaluate Often
Communication is key to any healthy relationship, and finances are no exception.
You should have regular check-ins about how youre spending money as a couple and any upcoming major financial decisions.
My spouse and I keep different savings and checking accounts.
We dont share credit cards.
That helps us both keep a solid, healthy credit rating.
This means he pays the mortgage, car insurance, health insurance, car payments and saves for retirement.
My savings is our emergency fund.
Because I was fronting the costs for food, the ballooning budget became a problem.
Kaz Weida is a senior staff writer at The Penny Hoarder covering saving money and budgeting.
(Can you sense my millennial sarcasm there?)
You know which ones were talking about: rent, utilities, cell phone bill, insurance, groceries…
