Our first money talk started with pad thai.
When the check came, I instinctively pulled out my wallet and offered to split it.
He chased away my offer with his Visa.
I felt slightly embarrassed for my reverse chivalry.
Itd just been my modus operandi for years with friends and past boyfriends.
Had I oversteppeda money boundaryon one of our first dates?
Back in the car, Ian admitted he thought the opposite.
In fact, he liked my lack of expectations.
That was 2015, and it was only the beginning.
Ian proposed to me last Christmas, and I said yes.
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Now were having evenbiggertalks about our finances and future while also planning a wedding and honeymoon.
To me, money talks always wore kid gloves and bore a no trespassing sign.
My instinct was to tread lightly.
Funny how that instinct got turned on its complicated head with one card flip.
Here are a few of the money talks weve had since the pad thai incident.
Are You a Spender or a Saver?
Did you know?
Meanwhile, I havent always been the best with money.
Its taken a lot of sacrifice, commitment and wading through debt to teach myself good financial habits.
Even still, I struggle.
His uncritical attitude made me feel more relaxed and less guarded about my spending habits.
Wed dated for over six months and built enough rapport to divulge in these sorts of money talks.
Sure discussing salaries can be awkward, but the timing felt right.
How Do You Manage Your Money?
Id always paid my credit card when the due date came.
Duh, why hadnt I thought of that?
I quickly changed the way I paid off my debt and felt grateful we were talking seriously and constructively.
These weremyfinances.He was encouraging about it and admired my financial initiative.
Are We Really Ready to Move in Together?
We embraced our independence but enjoyed entertaining the idea from a safe distance.
That speculation spurred more talks about the big d word: debt.
Lets just sayits definitely easier to talk about how much you make than how much you owe.
Hed known about my loan, but not everything.
I knew he had student loan debt, but not everything.
It was clear that before moving in together, we needed to talk abouteverything.
And we did just that.Being better informed about each others finances helped us better determine what we could afford.
How Will We Split the Bills?
We decided that $20 each a week was worth it for both of us.
He finds it attractive, but he does pay for mewaymore than I do for him.
Generally, I handle the cheapies, and he gets the fancies.
She and her husband, Ron, probably have more financial coolness than any couple Ive known.
They recently opened a restaurant, Chicas Taco Bar, in Clearwater, Florida.
And theyre still married.
Can I get a cheers for that?
I think Ron appreciated my independence, she said.
He didnt have to carry the burden alone.
They didntneedeach other financially.
So that was some validation that Ian and I might just have this whole money thing right…Might.
Here are some other pointers Leslie gave me about financial communication.
She and Ron both wanted kids, so they discussed everything from medical expenses to a college fund.
Dont Forget to cc Your Spouse
One of Leslie and Rons greatest successes came by accident.
Due to conflicts with work schedules, they swapped who was responsible for paying bills.
Knowing each others passwords and security questions facilitates this practice.
Not to mention, theres never any worry about a secret credit card or savings account.
But its not always peaches and cream.
We have our spats like any couple, Leslie said.
(Note to Ian: I would never be mad if you bought me a vacation.)
And did I mention Ron maintained his career while helping Leslie with the endeavor?
Oh, and he also had to agree to rein in spending on non-necessities.
Each had the others back through the thick stacks and the income trickle.
We trust each other implicitly.
I trust him financially and he trusts me financially, Leslie said.
And weve been partners ever since.
Stephanie Bolling is a staff writer at The Penny Hoarder.
She just wants to fast-forward to the honeymoon.
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