I have less than $20,000 in my401(k).
In seven years at my current job, my pay increases havent even equaled $3 an hour.
Ive tried so many different career paths to change my station in life, but those led to nowhere.
What concerns me is that I feel like Im not a financially desirable romantic partner.
It takes money to build a life with someone.
My traditional family thinks finances are the mans responsibility in a relationship and not the womans.
But this is 2022.
I just dont think that mentality holds up.
I guess my question for you is, should I be this worried about my financial situation?
Or am I just making myself feel inadequate?
Society tends to judge men in my financial position as stereotypical low-lives.
Is it the same for women?
-Financially Undesirable
Dear Undesirable,
Lets reframe things a bit.
You dont rely on anyone to pay your bills.
Youve been employed at the same job for seven years.
You may not make much money, but youre self-sufficient.
That right there is a desirable trait.
I cant tell you how society will judge a woman in your financial position.
Obviously, the answer depends on the person.
Money matters a great deal to some people.
But plenty of people care more about building a life with someone who shares their values and interests.
You also have a relationship goal, which is to find a partner and build a life together.
Treat these as two separate goals.
Im not sure if youre looking for a career overhaul or you simply want to make more money.
Regardless, if ever there was a time to push for better pay, its now.
The Great Resignation is forcing businesses to fight hard to recruit new workers and retain their existing employees.
Its worthasking for a raiseat your current job.
attempt to emphasize your contributions, though you’re able to certainly mention rising living costs.
In the meantime, apply for other jobs, even if its a similar level of responsibility.
You may be able to negotiate for significantly more than youre currently making.
Consider reaching out to any former co-workers who recently quit for leads on better opportunities.
If switching jobs isnt an option, look for aside gigthat doesnt require a big upfront investment.
Speaking of side gigs… check out these side gigs.
As for your relationship goal, I want you to think about what youre looking for in a partner.
I hope you recognize that your value as a person goes way beyond the amount of your paycheck.
You say men in your financial position are often dismissed as stereotypical low-lives.
But are you doing any of this stereotyping?
In no way am I suggesting that you cant date outside of your tax bracket.
But it isnt fair to have expectations from a partner that you cant meet yourself.
If you want someone to be open to your financial situation, extend the same openness to others.
Focus on finding common ground through shared interests.
Someone who truly values you will meet you where youre at.
That may mean you both agree to embrace frugality.
Earning more money is clearly important.
But c’mon dont put your love life on hold as you work toward this goal.
Were all works in progress.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
