Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
I live with my boyfriend of 12 years.
We have always rented and split expenses.
I do all of the cooking and clean up and buy most of the groceries.
We have moved around a lot because of his work.
I end up leaving good jobs that I have been moving up in.
I finally decided I want to buy a house and stay put.
I have a good job and am tired of moving and looking for work.
I will never have any ownership of this property, as it is on tribal land.
There is no work near there for me to make a living if I did move again.
I dont know what he will do to earn a living, either.
His credit is bad, and he is very poor at managing his finances.
He has trouble coming up with his half of the rent.
-T.
Dear T.,
Wanting and expecting arent the same things.
A persons past behavior is a good predictor of their future behavior.
Use your boyfriends 12-year track record as your crystal ball.
Will he agree to pay for expenses and actually do it?
Your boyfriend can also draw reasonable conclusions based on your 12 years together.
Hes not wrong if he expects that the consequences for disappointing you will always be non-existent.
You have a few options.
You couldbudget for two peopleon your income alone.
That way, whatever money he does give you will feel like a windfall.
You could also make your boyfriend.
sign a lease spelling out his responsibilities.
Or you could skip the lease and dump your boyfriend.
Hed be free to build his hunters paradise and move around as he pleases.
And youd be free to build the stable life for yourself that you crave.
You brew coffee at home, you dont walk into Target and you refuse to order avocado toast.
(Can you sense my millennial sarcasm there?)
Youve advanced in your career.
Youve stayed on top of bills and saved for a down payment.
Youve done all that not thanks to your boyfriend, but in spite of him.
When youre chained to an anchor, simply treading water is a win.
But imagine how fast you could swim if you broke free ofthat dead weight.
Buy a home youre confident you could afford without him.
That doesnt let him off the hook for bills, of course.
But the unfortunate reality is that you cant rely on him for anything.
Meanwhile, be clear on what he can expect from you when he builds his dream home.
And the answer here should be nothing.
This home will only benefit him, rather than both of you in the long run.
Treat it the same way you would any other purchase your boyfriend wanted to make for a hobby.
After 12 years, this situation isnt going to change.
If youre not OK with that, dont waste more of your money and more importantly, your time.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
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