We have discussed getting married but are not engaged.
We have no immediate plans.
My biggest concerns about getting married are financial.
We earn about the same amount of money and currently split most expenses like rent and utilities.
I have two specific concerns.
My boyfriend has a lot of delinquent student loan debt.
We pulled our credit reports somewhat recently and went over them.
There were no surprises or unidentified tradelines/balances, etc.
While I would prefer not to, its more likely to get done at least.
Second, I worry in the long term about his health.
He is a little older than I am and has had some health issues in the past.
He seems to be doing well now.
Or is that impossible?
I dont want to end up in financial ruin because of his failure to do so.
-C.
Dear C.,
Reread the postscript of your letter.
Because really, these are the only words that matter.
Love isnt the only ingredient that goes into a successful partnership.
A good relationship requires two people who can accept adult responsibilities.
But it sounds like youre the only adult in the room.
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Whats concerning is that it seems like youve made his debt into your problem.
Without you, would he have done anything to bring those loans out of delinquency?
I have my doubts if he refuses to even open his own mail.
Your boyfriends medical issues are more troubling.
Our health is never guaranteed, of course.
Even a teetotaling vegan who runs marathons could develop medical complications at a young age.
Substantial medical bills can put a spouses savings at risk.
One expensive option is to purchaselong-term care insurance.
No Interest Til Almost 2027?
You want to be a spouse, not a parent.
All that said, even the most stubborn humans are capable of change.
But real change doesnt happen when people are comfortable.
Would paying bills together each month set your mind at ease so that youre both shouldering some responsibility?
Is there an unhealthy habit that you want your boyfriend to give up?
You dont want to micromanage every decision your boyfriend makes.
But it is reasonable to have dealbreakers.
Your boyfriend can choose not to change.
But the price of his stubbornness is that he doesnt get to marry you.
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