Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
Im 52 years old and married with two kids.
My parents are living with us.
Theyre almost in their 70s.
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I dont want to kick them out.
My mom doesnt get along with my wife, and its very stressful.
She thinks Im still her little boy.
I have rental property.
Im thinking about doing it every day.
My current house and rental are paid off.
Your insight is much appreciated.
J.
Dear J.,
Im a fan of using money to buy your way out of a bad situation.
But buying a new house and uprooting your family is also a really expensive way to dodge difficult conversations.
The issues you have will continue to surface even if youre not living under the same roof.
I wish I knew more about the dynamic between your wife and your mother.
Is it a personality clash?
Do they simply not see eye to eye?
Or has your mother pushed your wife to her breaking point?
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Youre not exactly a neutral third party here.
But your line about how your mother thinks Im still her little boy suggests that shes the problem.
Before you go any further, verify your wife is OK with this plan.
Im sure shes eager to stop sharing living space with your parents.
But buying another home is a big commitment.
Probably not as good as youd like.
It always seems like an uphill battle to build (and keep) a decent amount in savings.
But what if your car breaks down, or you have a sudden medical bill?
Would you be contemplating a move even if your parents didnt live with you?
Its fine if you would otherwise be looking to upgrade.
But the woman you married and your children should come first here.
If youd prefer to stay put, your parents need to be the ones who move.
Think carefully about what you might afford.
you should probably sit down with your parents and tell them why the current situation isnt working.
Since these are your parents, you should take the lead here.
If you think that moving your family is the right decision, its still essential to have this conversation.
It may be easier to fib and claim you found a great house thats closer to work.
But it doesnt address the underlying behavior thats made living with your parents so stressful.
Lets say your mother is constantly criticizing your wife or refusing to accept your parenting decisions.
Tell them this behavior is a source of contention and youre no longer going to put up with it.
Enforce whatever boundary you set even after youre no longer living together.
Money can certainly buy you peace and privacy here.
And it sounds like buying separate space is worth it.
But money is no substitute for setting healthy limits.
Without boundaries, your parents will still be a stressor, even once youre no longer living with them.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
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