She was laid off for not having child care and is collecting unemployment.
My father was struggling to pay for his apartment, as well.
Their relationship has deteriorated.
I dont think they can continue living together.
She said she will refuse to leave the apartment if management doesnt let her take over the lease.
I dont want to hold my sisters past mistakes against her, and COVID-19 has disproportionately impacted single mothers.
(Example: paying for breast implants.)
How should I proceed with my sister?
Am I being too supportive, or not supportive enough?
I feel guilty even having my own financial goals when my family is struggling.
Sister Struggles
Dear Sister,
When someone tells you theyre about to behave terribly, listen.
I dont care if your sister has been more responsible for three months.
She obviously doesnt plan to be responsible moving forward.
Shes also made it clear that shes up for a fight.
Pleasedont co-signfor her and let her take down your credit in the process.
This is a problem between your sister, your dad and your aunt.
I certainly feel for your aunt.
I get that youre both trying to help each other work through this mess.
But youre both ascribing magical thinking to your fix-it powers for your dads and sisters financial messes.
Nothing in your letter suggests that either one is interested in help.
If I were your aunt, Id talk to an attorney who specializes in tenant law ASAP.
it’s possible for you to suggest she do so.
You also need to tell your sister youre no longer in a position to co-sign.
Shes going to cry and scream about how youre ruining her life.
Tell her by phone so it’s possible for you to hang up if things get out of hand.
Id urge you to hang onto this arrangement as long as you might so you might develop firm boundaries.
Your signature probably isnt the only thing standing between your sister and homelessness.
Maybe shes eligible for public housing, or she has friends who will let her couch surf.
Im not going to waste any energy exploring these options, though, becausethis is not your problem.
Probably not as good as youd like.
It always seems like an uphill battle to build (and keep) a decent amount in savings.
But what if your car breaks down, or you have a sudden medical bill?
Ask one of these companies to help…
The second you weigh in, youre throwing your sister a lasso.
Dont allow her to drag you back in.
This may seem like a money problem, but deep down it isnt.
But I suspect theyd still leave you emotionally drained.
Emotional vampires always do.
Your financial goals are completely unrelated to your familys struggles.
The sooner you’re free to separate the two, the better off youll be.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior editor at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
(Can you sense my millennial sarcasm there?)
You know which ones were talking about: rent, utilities, cell phone bill, insurance, groceries…
