Shortly after, her two sons (currently 28 and 25) moved here also and live with her.
The eldest hasnt worked since 2017 because my sister says he has anxiety issues.
Hes worked before, and its my view hes manipulating her.
He signed up for COVIDunemploymentin 2020 and received it until I brought attention to it.
Ive had anxiety and stutter my entire life and Ive worked since I was 14.
The youngest works off and on.
He will work a job for a few weeks and then quit because its not exactly what he wants.
He has this luxury of course because he has a roof over his head and food.
My sister is a schoolteacher who will turn 61 in a few months.
The burden of all the bills usually is on her.
She also drives Uber and tutors to try tomake ends meet.
She received $40,000 from her divorce last year, and that money is already gone.
Her sons wont get the COVID vaccine, and the younger one was in the hospital for two weeks.
Im pretty sure she paid the hospital bill with her divorce money.
Ive spoken to her many times about how she should insist that her sons work to help out.
She now just shuts down if I talk about it.
Im sure she wont change her situation.
I dont really have extra money but do fine.
Should I help out financially when there are three possible breadwinners in the house and they arent helping?
Ive offered to find her financial counseling as well.
-M.
Dear M.,
Your sister knows what you think about her sons.
That doesnt mean you have to approve.
Its more of a why-beat-a-dead-horse bang out of thing.
But I do think helping your sister out makes sense.
It sounds like the car repair bill could be the domino that causes everything else to collapse.
If your sister cant pay rent and gets evicted, shell have difficulty finding housing for years to come.
If she falls behind on bills, shell destroy her credit.
Bad credit is notoriously expensive, triggering exorbitant interest rates plus security deposits for just about everything.
Its frustrating when you see how someones decisions compound their troubles.
None of us gets life right every single time, though.
And I think your sister sounds like shes doing the best she can.
Shes clearly a hard worker if shes pursuing side hustles while also working as a teacher.
I dont think youre enabling your sister if you offer to help with the car repair bill.
But you better make this a gift, not a loan.
Are you struggling to cope with financial stress?
First, take a deep breath.
Then, take a look at our roundup ofresources to help you manage your stress and your money.
It doesnt sound like your sister has actually asked you for money.
Regardless, if you help her out, make it clear that this is a one-time assist.
Tell her youre not in a position to make this a repeat occurrence.
Should she ask you for money in the future, tell her no to avoid making this a pattern.
Normally, Im not a fan of gifts that come with strings attached.
you could find one through the Association for Financial Counseling & Planning Educations search tool atfindanafc.org.
Theres no guarantee that your sister will make any significant changes, of course.
Sometimes were more willing to listen to advice when it comes from a neutral third party, though.
You clearly care about your sister.
So if youre inclined to help out your sister, dont delay.
Bailing her out now will be way less costly than if you wait until her finances have imploded.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
