Weve been dating for two years, and its been wonderful.
The way I see it, I am very responsible with the money I do make.
I dont have any debt, and I pay all my own bills.
Do you have any advice for us?
This is one neither of us knows how to navigate.
-R
Dear R.,
Its been a wonderful two years.
Youre talking about growing old together.
That doesnt sound wonderful to me.
Discussing how youll split the bills is a vital conversation if youre merging lives.
Some couples choose to keep their finances completely separate, and thats OK.
But youre not ready to have that conversation yet.
He has no reason to worry that youll run up debt or drain his bank account.
You really need to establish that now so that you might move on if the answer is yes.
Most couples encounter this situation to at least a degree.
Few people will marry someone whose salary is identical to theirs for their entire careers.
Youre marrying a person, not a paycheck.
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Theres no guarantee your boyfriend will always be a high earner.
Thats not to say that theres anything wrong with not having a high salary.
But I dont want you defining your potential by what you earn right now.
Life can also change.
What if the two of you married and he got sick, so you had to become his caregiver?
Would you think of him as a burden then?
Ultimately, this is your boyfriends hang-up.
Youre living within your means.
Theres nothing wrong with you just because you cant afford to live within his means.
Or would he make you feel like a child asking a parent for allowance money?
Imagine your salary were to quadruple tomorrow.
Do you think your boyfriend would be enthusiastic about your future together?
Or do you think hed find another hang-up?
For some people, money is very much a dealbreaker.
But other people get really antsy when they start talking about the future.
Im not saying thats necessarily the case here, but its fodder for you to consider.
you oughta know if youre dealing with a cheapskate or a commitment-phobe dressed in a cheapskates clothes.
It sounds like this is a topic the two of you have been dancing around for some time.
This is going to require a brutally honest conversation.
Until then, any discussions about how to handle finances are premature.
This may be a painful discussion.
You may not like the answer you hear.
But I suspect a likelier outcome is no answer at all just a bunch of hemming and hawing.
If thats what you get, then you have your answer.
Your value goes way beyond your salary.
just dont waste your time trying to build a future with anyone who doesnt recognize that.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
(Can you sense my millennial sarcasm there?)
You know which ones were talking about: rent, utilities, cell phone bill, insurance, groceries…
