We both own our own homes, mortgage-free.
Our financial situation is similar in terms of net worth.
We thought COVID would be a short-term issue.
I pay for everything else: cable, utilities, repairs that come up, association fees.
I do all the grocery shopping and 99% of dinner prep, cleaning and organizing.
He said, OK, you’re able to split the cost for my home then.
His son will inherit his home someday, so selling it is out of the question.
-P.
Dear P.,
Is this really about the money?
Or is it about the unequal amount of effort youre investing?
Perhaps it made sense for you to do tasks like grocery shopping back when COVID cases were exploding.
But are your partners health issues so severe that he cant cook a meal or organize a closet?
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But lets focus on the bills for a moment.
If you were roommates renting an apartment, it would make sense to split everything down the middle.
No one has an investment in that space.
The money you pay buys you a place to live, and thats that.
It becomes trickier when you share space and you each own homes.
The homes you bought arent just living spaces.
This is a topic that reasonable people can certainly disagree about.
But I think it makes sense for you to be solely responsible for the fixed costs of homeownership.
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Youve paid off your mortgage, which is the biggest expense related to your investment.
Id also put property taxes, homeowners insurance and association fees in this category.
None of these would change if you told your partner to move out tomorrow.
Your partner is still paying these expenses for his home, even though hes living with you.
Repairs should mostly fall into this category.
But if he accidentally breaks your garbage disposal, he should foot the bill.
I say all this assuming your partner isnt renting out his home.
It gets tricky with the variable expenses.
And that, of course, is where I think your partner could do better.
I dont know why responsibility for cooking and housekeeping has fallen almost 100% on you.
But is it possible that youre splitting hairs about the bills because you feel unappreciated?
Perhaps Id pay the tab for any restaurant bill and also chip in extra for groceries.
Even if wed technically agreed to split these costs evenly, it would be a small show of gratitude.
It sounds like you allowed your partner to move in solely for his benefit.
Hopefully, youve benefited as well from the 24/7 companionship youve gotten over the past two years.
But his comment about you paying half of the expenses for his home seems dismissive.
The pandemic forced millions of people to rapidly change their living and working situations overnight.
But fortunately after two years, a sense of normalcy is returning.
Many people, even those with health issues, have been able to resume routine activities like grocery shopping.
So perhaps its time to revisit whether you want to continue this living arrangement with your partner.
Theres no way to do a perfect 50/50 split of expenses here.
But check that your partner is matching your effort if you continue to share space with him.
Otherwise, its time to send him home already.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
Probably not as good as youd like.
It always seems like an uphill battle to build (and keep) a decent amount in savings.
But what if your car breaks down, or you have a sudden medical bill?
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