Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
My husband knows Im in debt.
He just doesnt know how bad.
He quit his job last year.
Now Im the sole income earner.
Hes using up his savings while trying to become a YouTuber and take care of our child full time.
I dont want to tell him how bad it is because Im embarrassed.
I cant stop spending.
Its like a mental illness or something.
How do I stop it?
Your spending is a sign of a deeper problem.
You dont want to disclose how much debt youve accumulated because youre deeply ashamed.
But I suspect your husband knows theres a problem and he doesnt want to know how bad it is.
His dont-ask-dont-tell approach makes things easy on him.
He gets to pretend its your problem, not his.
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I hope youll discuss what youre experiencing with your doctor.
Treating any underlying disorders could be key to getting your behavior under control.
Probably not as good as youd like.
It always seems like an uphill battle to build (and keep) a decent amount in savings.
But what if your car breaks down, or you have a sudden medical bill?
I dont want to rush to judgment here without more details.
Its one thing if hes a devoted stay-at-home dad who pursues his YouTube hobby on the side.
The issues youre dealing with will be incredibly difficult to address if everythings all about him.
I worry that your finances could implode soon given the current path youre on.
Once your husband depletes his savings, hell be even more dependent on you.
Meanwhile, your overspending is no doubt pushing your monthly debt payments higher and higher.
you might only stretch one paycheck so far.
Before you tell your husband, check that you know how much you really owe.
Dont rely on memory or guesstimates.
A lot of people buried in debt drastically underestimate how much they owe.
Look at every single credit card and loan statement to figure this out to the exact cent.
Quantifying your debt may seem terrifying at first if youve avoided it.
But you may feel better once you know exactly what youre dealing with.
Plenty of chapters meet online.
Just talking and listening to others with similar struggles may help you feel less alone.
Give your husband a heads-up that you oughta talk before having this conversation.
Bad news is more palatable when the other person knows theres something serious you gotta discuss.
Try something like, Im concerned about our expenses.
Would you be able to talk about our bills tonight after dinner?
Theres no easy way to broach this conversation.
Be direct and tell him how much debt you have as quickly as possible.
Have your credit card and loan statements handy.
Be prepared for questions about how youve been spending money.
Expect your husband to be angry at first, particularly if you misled him about the amount you owe.
A good next step would be for you both to attendcredit counseling.
Look for a not-for-profit agency on the websites of theFinancial Counseling Association of Americaor theNational Foundation for Credit Counseling.
A credit counselor can help you determine how to address your debt.
They can often work out adebt management plan.
Do whatever you’re able to to make it harder to spend money.
Look at all credit card and bank statements.
Knowing that this check-in is coming may curb your spending.
You may find that you being the sole earner isnt enough.
Your husband may need to get a job, even if that means budgeting for child care.
This decision needs to be about whats best for your family, not his YouTube channel.
Telling your husband about your debt is going to be hard.
But ultimately, I think youll feel relieved once youre no longer carrying the weight of this secret.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
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