We have a credit card, but we pay it off every month.
But heres the rub: When I was in college, some of my financial aid fell through.
I had to face the fact that I couldnt afford to go back after that summer.
I dont remember how it got smoothed over, but it did.
I was allowed to go back.
Again, I was young and dumb and didnt give it another thought.
He paid off those loans with his and my moms retirement savings.
I didnt realize this until it was already done.
Now they are talking about retiring in the next few years.
My understanding is that he and his wife had to juggle things to make this work.
The loans totaled $39,769, but he had to pay interest.
Thats a quote from his email to me.
Weve plateaued at our current savings level since buying our house last year.
Im also worried that we arent saving enough for our own retirement.
Ive been trying to learn about bonds, Roth IRAs, and so on.
Im so overwhelmed by how little I understand.
This isnt legal debt, but I still owe my parents.
They wont be able to live in retirement without my paying them back.
My brother has already done so much by preparing housing and a used car for them.
I cant ask him for more.
Plus, its my fault my parents dont have retirement savings, not my brothers.
Can you yo help me decide what our next steps should be?
Do we hire a financial planner to give us custom guidance?
And dont get me started on my in-laws, who live in a different state.
My father-in-law is incarcerated.
My mother-in-law is living on only Social Security in my sister-in-laws apartment.
We are wealthy compared to that side of the family.
We want to help them too, but we feel stuck!
-Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed,
Its not your fault that your parents cant afford to retire.
Responsibility for that rests on your parents shoulders.
The money your dad paid for these loans would certainly be helpful to your parents.
But Im not sure that this was actually his intention back then.
It sounds like your parents are panicked as theirretirement is approaching.
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Your problem isnt financial illiteracy.
You and your husband are doing a fine job of managing your money.
The problem is that a $70,000 paycheck only goes so far.
Your husband makes enough to cover your family of four.
But thats not enough to pay for your parents retirement or your in-laws needs.
I dont think you should agree to help out your parents just yet.
That doesnt mean youre vowing to never help them out.
But you better focus on your own savings first.
Say that youre grateful for their sacrifices.
But make it clear that you didnt know they were raiding retirement accounts to pay for your education.
What you should avoid is giving your parents a full accounting of your finances.
Dont give them that leverage.
This is about what you and your family are willing and able to give.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected]or chat with her inThe Penny Hoarder Community.
