Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
Both me and my boyfriend are college students abroad.
We both earned scholarships.
We make good money doing freelancing jobs online.
He saves his for graduate school.
I save mine for traveling.
My family is better off than his financially.
But his family is really struggling financially.
Neither of his parents are working much right now.
His father is doing small jobs barely bringing in anything.
For two years, my boyfriend has given them money constantly every month.
He pays for their rent and also gives them a little allowance.
He thought that his parents situation is only temporary, but I dont think so.
Were planning to get married after college.
He doesnt have anyone to help him financially so he has to work and save for our wedding.
I suggested that we split the expense, but he said he wants to pay for it fully.
His future is not secured at all, but his parents continue to ask him for money.
He has asked them to find decent jobs.
He has even given them money to start a small business.
When they dont have money, they beg my boyfriend for money.
He has talked to them about managing their money, but they dont seem to listen.
He also told them this was the last time he would give them money.
But they havent paid rent since then, and they want my boyfriend to pay it for them.
Otherwise, the landlord will kick them out.
My boyfriend doesnt know what to do anymore, and he is asking me for advice.
I dont know, so Im asking you for advice.
We are from the same Third World country.
-A.
Dear A.,
The problem here isnt that your boyfriend sends money to his family each month.
Its that hes essentially issued them a blank check.
Your gut is 100% correct when it tells you that this situation isnt temporary.
As long as money magically appears whenever your boyfriends parents need it, they have no incentive to change.
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Since you plan to build a life together, you better build a budget together.
That can include a monthly allowance for your boyfriends parents that you both agree on.
This pattern will be difficult for your boyfriend to break.
He should remind them of this limit frequently.
Maybe he could make arrangements to pay the landlord rent directly.
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The tough part about saying no is accepting the consequences.
Your boyfriends parents will undoubtedly lay on the guilt.
Even harder is accepting the consequences that they may face.
Your boyfriends parents may not be able to afford their expenses if they spend extravagantly.
The odds of them changing are minuscule as long as the family ATM keeps spitting out cash.
You should buck tradition and let your family help with wedding costs.
While this situation is challenging, I think your boyfriend sounds like a good partner.
He clearly loves his family, but just as important is the fact that he cares about your opinion.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
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