Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
I read a recent article you wrote aboutdisclosing debt to a partner.
I have kind of the opposite problem.
Im making significantly more than the average person here, especially at my age.
These are thebiggest money secrets rich people don’t tell you.
K.
Dear K.,
Pretend youre having the salary talk with a guy youre dating.
You go into the conversation expecting that youll be the higher earner.
But then the man surprises you.
How would you feel if he reveals he earns three or four times more than you do?
Thats advice Ill stand by, for the most part.
But I also did a gut check.
One thing Id worry about here is the likelihood that we have vastly different lifestyles.
I can afford to pay my way for a vacation thats in line with my own standards.
But what if hes used to flying around the world first-class?
Id have to either stay home or (shudder) ask him to pay part of my way.
Either option would bruise my fragile little ego.
But perhaps more importantly, it would disrupt the narrative I have about myself.
I like to think of myself as a successful woman.
No Interest Til Almost 2027?
Yet there are plenty of happy couples who have very different incomes.
Its hard to get to that point if you focus heavily on money too soon.
Focus on getting to know the person.
On that note, attempt to plan dates early on that dont require much money.
As you get to know someone, youll often find that you naturally get to know their finances.
You dont need to exchange W-2s to get a sense of where someone is at.
Did you know?
Im not talking about waiting until youre ready to move in together.
Ideally, by the time you have this conversation, neither person will be shocked by what they hear.
You say that people your age are pretty upfront about their financial situations.
Listen closely to what they do tell you, even if its not directly about salary.
A lot of people dont have pristine finances in their 20s.
Thats OK. What youre listening for is whether theyre taking action to get to a better place.
Really, salary alone tells you very little about someones financial health.
I spent eight months with a guy who earned six figures.
When the AC broke in his house, he could still barely cobble together $1,400.
Keep in mind that being too upfront about anything, including money, is a red flag early on.
But if theyre telling you about all money woes, along with family and past relationship drama?
The same goes if they probe you for TMI too soon.
Get to know the person behind the paycheck before you disclose your actual paychecks.
When you find a true partner, a salary discrepancy isnt such a big deal.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
