Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
My boyfriend asked to move in together after eight months of dating.
Then after I didnt renew my lease, we talked finances.
I am aware the timing was poor.
He makes twice as much, so his lifestyle is more extravagant.
I had no expectations of contributing to his mortgage when I agreed.
I would not receive a lease and am not an owner of the home he purchased before me.
If we dated long term, Id be paying down his mortgage with no equity to show.
I asked ifwe could splitaccording to our lifestyles and income.
He strongly objected and felt taken advantage of, as a partnership is 50/50 in his words.
Ive also cut his grocery bill in half by doing the shopping and couponing while weve been dating.
I assume that will continue.
I feel we should each pay for what we own and split expenses according to income.
-A.
Dear A.,
A50/50 partnershipisnt about going Dutch for every expense.
Rarely do you find a partner whose finances are identical to yours, unless youre both equally broke.
Thats why compromise is so important.
Its about investing equally in building a life together, not going tit-for-tat on every expense.
The problem with the 50/50 partnership your boyfriend proposes is that it requires zero compromises on his part.
Your costs go up.
His costs go down.
The fact that your payment helps him build equity doesnt absolve you of any responsibility for a housing payment.
Paying down someone elses mortgage with no equity to show is exactly what we renters do every month.
That doesnt mean you should make 50% of the payment, given the income discrepancy.
Are you struggling to cope with financial stress?
First, take a deep breath.
Then, take a look at our roundup ofresources to help you manage your stress and your money.
Unfortunately, I dont have any neat formula for what the proper split should be.
Things get messy when you move in together and only one person owns the home.
A good starting point would be your current expenses.
Ideally, though, youd divide the bills so that each of you is left with extra money.
Should you go ahead with this move, accept that your boyfriend will also be your landlord.
But its important to be realistic, particularly in the event that this relationship ends.
In a perfect world, youd each have your own attorney review the agreement.
But you’re free to find free templates online that are better than nothing.
Until youve reached a compromise thats acceptable to you, DO NOT move in with your boyfriend.
If its still possible to renew your lease, do it.
Once you move in together, it becomes so much harder to disentangle your lives.
Refusing to move in may well trigger the end of the relationship.
Quit doing his grocery shopping and any other chores.
Maybe when things dont magically get done, hell see that a 50/50 partnership isnt just about paying bills.
You say the timing of your discussion about finances was poor.
That may be true.
If your boyfriend refuses to budge, your priorities may be incompatible.
If you figure that out after eight months of dating, Id say you timed things pretty well.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
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