Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
I have a boyfriend nicknamed Rocks.
Weve been dating for 20 months now.
Rocks doesnt ever pay for anything.
I pay for all our restaurants, and that includes leaving tips.
I pay for all our movie tickets, arcades, drinks and food, and parking for all events.
If we go to a fast-food place, I sometimes buy him food for the next day.
I thought I was being thoughtful.
We often go to steakhouses where the bill is over $100, not counting the tip.
I always pay for everything.
Id say I contribute 97% financially and he barely contributes 3%.
I also do favors for him and fix things for him.
He doesnt do much.
Rocks works from home, so he does have a job.
Hes always looking for or shopping for things online.
He buys lots of clothes for himself.
What should I do?
Am I being unreasonable, or is he a deadbeat that I should dump?
But I have to draw my conclusions based on the information you provided.
So they look to a stranger on the internet in hopes of getting a different answer.
Sometimes writing brings clarity, though.
Im hopeful thats what happened as you described your relationship based on the last two sentences of your letter.
But just in case you need a reinforcement opinion: No, youre not being unreasonable.
Yes, Rocks is a deadbeat.
Yes, you should dump him ASAP.
Hell need them since hes about to become responsible for his own care and feeding.
Its that youre investing 100% of the effort.
You brew coffee at home, you dont walk into Target and you refuse to order avocado toast.
(Can you sense my millennial sarcasm there?)
Obviously, severing ties will be much easier if you dont share a living space.
Do whats necessary to make the break.
Whatever you do, dont keep in contact with Rocks.
Dont agree to stay friends.
Someone who shows you such blatant disrespect doesnt deserve a place in your life.
Splitting expenses 50/50 may not always be feasible in a relationship.
Not everyone can afford $100-plus steak dinners.
If thats a splurge you enjoy and you want to treat your partner, thats fine.
But at the very least, look for someone who matches your energy and effort.
Do they use their words to build you up or bring you down?
It takes time to get to know these things about a person.
So dont give a potential partner the opportunity to mooch.
Avoid expensive dates at the beginning.
Focus on getting to know each other instead.
But if youre picking up the tab so they can shop more, thats a much different story.
But if your partner makes it clear that they dont value you, cut them out of your life.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
