Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
My boyfriend and I are 71 and 72.
Hes been divorced three times, and Ive been widowed twice.
We both have our own homes and good incomes.
The problem is, Im in debt due to my last husband.
My boyfriend always talks about how he is debt-free except for his mortgage.
We are in love and committed to each other.
Do I have to tell him about my debt when we have said we dont want to remarry?
I am embarrassed about the debt.
-L.
Dear L.,
You arent obligated to disclose every single aspect of yourlife and financesto your boyfriend.
Thats not the case here.
As long as your debt isnt impacting him, you shouldnt feel guilty for not telling him.
But I wonder if youd feel better if you told him.
His reaction will reveal everything about him.
What Im hoping is that youre underestimating your boyfriend.
You say he always talks about beingdebt-freeaside from his mortgage.
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Context matters a lot here, too.
Is he bringing it up because hes proud of the accomplishment?
Or because hes excited about all the things he can do because his expenses are low?
Your boyfriends reaction isnt the only thing to consider when you make this decision.
When youre not upfront about your financial situation, you often wind up with a lifestyle you cant afford.
I have no idea if this is happening here.
You dont say how much debt you have or whether itsmanageable.
One benefit of telling your boyfriend is that opening up can be a relief.
Keeping a bad situation secret only compounds the stress.
If you havent told anyone about this lingering debt, consider telling a trusted friend or family member first.
Doing so could help you gauge your boyfriends reaction.
You may also discover that talking about this isnt as scary as youve imagined.
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Conversely, if he doesnt react well, your pain will be exacerbated after investing many years together.
Still, I think its important to know whether he cares more about you or your net worth.
Whatever you choose, I hope you’re able to stop feeling embarrassed about your debt.
Its not a character flaw.
Life can throw a lot of unexpected hurdles at you.
Sometimes your battle wounds come in the form of debt.
Hopefully after seven decades in the world, your boyfriend is wise enough to recognize that.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
