This care is part of what made me fall in love with him.

Several years ago, an elderly family member became ill.

It quickly became clear this task went beyond my in-laws abilities.

A couple look stressed over bills.

While they didnt want our help, my partner eventually had to intervene.

This family member was about to be homeless, and my in-laws were essentially clueless.

My partner was able to secure federal benefits for this family member that covered large portions of her care.

Dear Penny

This took a lot of the strain from my in-laws, and we thought all was well.

Not only is the loan huge, but the interest rate is terrible.

My father-in-laws health continues to be poor, and my mother-in-law is beyond overwhelmed.

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Its possible shes not aware of the details of the loan.

But is there any way to present this information in a way that theyll accept?

But my partner worries that will just add to my mother-in-laws already paralyzing anxiety.

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What should they do first to manage this loan?

But unsolicited advice rarely goes well.

Even when the motives are good, the person on the receiving end usually feels like theyre under attack.

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Your partner needs to take the lead here because these are his parents.

He should take a stab at make this a conversation instead of a lecture.

He should ask his parents if theyd be OK with sitting down to discuss a few financial matters.

Tough conversations are best had when no one feels ambushed.

Ideally, the three of them would have this discussion together.

Your partner should ask his parents some neutral questions.

How big is the balance?

How much is the interest rate?

What are the monthly payments?

You say youre not sure if your mother-in-law is aware of the details of the loan.

But I wouldnt assume your father-in-law is fully aware, either.

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Once your partner gets the facts of the situation, then he can ask his parents how theyre feeling.

Do they feel worried about whether theyll be able to repay the loan?

What about after his mother retires?

Could we discuss them?

The point is to keep the message judgment-free.

Telling your in-laws that theyve made poor money management decisions will only put them on the defensive.

But Id urge your partner not to shy away from this discussion out of concern for his mothers anxiety.

If your in-laws are willing to discuss their options, your partner could suggest they meet with afinancial counselor.

They often work with clients struggling with debt.

Many charge on a sliding scale.

If your in-laws are open to the idea, your partner could offer to pay the fees.

Bringing in a third party may be beneficial here.

A professional isnt going to have an emotional stake in this game.

Plus, sometimes people are more willing to listen to guidance when it isnt coming from family.

Ultimately, though, managing this loan is up to your in-laws, not you and your partner.

Respect their boundaries, even if you dont agree with their decisions.

Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.

Send your tricky money questions to[email protected]or chat with her inThe Penny Hoarder Community.

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