I helped her purchase a car so she could conduct her job search.
I agreed to make the first three monthly payments of $343 each.
I set up autopay to bill my bank account.
But I put the car title in her name.
I didnt want to be liable if there was an accident.
That was a big mistake.
After three months, even though she was working, she asked for an extension, which I granted.
Three years later (on a five-year loan), shes never taken over payments.
She eventually stopped bothering to make excuses and called me selfish and a nag.
She felt entitled to the car because you have a BMW and enjoy a life of leisure.
(Im retired after 43 years as an elementary school teacher.)
I was never asking for reimbursement, just that my daughter would be responsible for payments going forward.
She knew three years ago and knows now that the car was NOT a gift.
The car dealership finance department said they couldnt even talk to me because the title isnt in my name.
The bank said if I stopped payments on the bills, the car would be repossessed.
Ive already paid more than $17,000 for the car.
Now my daughter and I no longer speak.
Meanwhile, she lives beyond her means.
She is a big disappointment to me.
My other two children transitioned to adulthood and financial independence quite easily.
As I age, Im incurring more medical expenses.
I need to rein in my spending.
What can I do to extricate myself from this situation?
Or she can keep driving her car for free knowing Mom is legally on the hook for the loan.
Unfortunately, the choice is hers.
I wish I had a better answer for you.
So I think you should reach out to her but leave the loan out of the conversation at first.
But eventually, you two need to havesome honest talks about your financial situations.
You may find that your perceptions about the others finances arent exactly accurate.
Are you struggling to cope with financial stress?
First, take a deep breath.
Then, take a look at our roundup ofresources to help you manage your stress and your money.
But if she knew you were struggling, maybe shed make these car payments a higher priority.
Also consider that your daughters a relatively recent grad.
Chances are shes not earning much.
None of this excuses your daughter, of course.
She made a promise that she should make good on.
But until you break this stalemate, you have a car payment and youre estranged from your daughter.
Its a lose-lose for you.
It would ease your burden a bit while also allowing her to accept some responsibility.
There are no guarantees youll get anything out of your daughter.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
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