Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
My long-time boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20s.
Hes supporting his parents financially while living with them and working two jobs.
He also has student debt.
His parents are older and currently unemployed.
When theyre able to work, they earn low wages.
My boyfriend and I have wanted to move in together for a few years.
However, my boyfriend will still need to support his family.
My financial situation is significantly better than his.
I earn slightly less but dont have many debts or expenses.
But I cant pay for our hypothetical apartment on my own for long.
My boyfriend wants to buy his parents a small home or rent them a more affordable apartment.
Hes looking into getting a loan with his sibling specifically for a home.
My boyfriend and I agree that we cannot live with his parents as a couple for various reasons.
I am extremely concerned that buying his parents a house isnt financially feasible for him.
Of course I want his parents to be happy.
I wouldnt want him to stop supporting them if they need the help.
Do you have any advice?
-E
Dear E.,
A continuing conversation seems like the last thing this situation needs.
Your boyfriend needs to set firm boundaries here.
As long as hes paying all of his parents bills, nothing is going to change.
Your boyfriends life is on hold as long as he allows this arrangement to continue.
By extension, your life is on hold as well.
Or youd be forced to drastically lower your living standards to accommodate their support.
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Its essential that this be a defined amount.
He cant afford to write them a blank check each month.
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Id caution your boyfriend against buying his parents a house.
If his name is on the mortgage, it will increase hisdebt-to-income ratio.
Your boyfriend isnt the one who asked me for advice, though.
He also knows that youre concerned about how his parental support will affect your future together.
Though you say hes been receptive, it doesnt sound like hes taken any action to alleviate your concerns.
So while you wait for your boyfriend to set limits with his parents, be firm about your limits.
You dont have a relationship with his parents, and youre not going to support them.
Youre not moving in together until hes brought his support to a sustainable level.
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