Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
Recently, we had to move our mom to a nursing home.
Prior to the move, my niece had moved in with her.
My mom has dementia and is not likely to return to living at home.
The niece was living rent-free when Mom was here.
She is still staying here and still not paying.
She is unemployed but has been getting unemployment.
She has been there since last September.
Mom went to the nursing home in February.
My brother is the durable power of attorney and in charge of expenses.
We are hoping to hang onto the house.
There are some savings to pay for the nursing home for a few years.
When the savings are gone, we will have no choice but to sell the house.
My niece was paying a roommate a substantial sum before she moved in with Mom.
My brother turned off the cable, but the internet is still on.
I plan to send a check for the internet, electric etc.
I usually stay for three weeks or so.
Someone needs to tell the niece she needs to start paying for some of the expenses.
I dont quite know how to bring it up to her.
I guess I need to figure out how to bring it up to her.
So, I feel like I should be the one to tell her the free ride is over.
The conversation youre about to have shouldnt come as a shock.
Note that I say shouldnt rather than wont here.
I suspect shock is exactly the reaction youll get.
Think about it from your nieces perspective.
After eight months of living rent-free, why should she have different expectations for months nine or 10?
I do think that since this arrangement was your idea, you should be part of this conversation.
But as durable power of attorney, your brother is the one making the decisions.
So I think the two of you should talk to your niece together.
Whats good is that you seem to be feeling moderate frustration, rather than full-blown rage at this point.
Dont let things reach a boiling point with your niece.
This conversation needs to happen soon.
First, talk with your brother on what a good outcome looks like.
Do you want your niece out altogether?
Or are you hoping shell stay and eventually pay rent at fair market value?
No Interest Til Almost 2027?
Regardless of your ideal outcome, give her a heads-up thatthis discussion is coming.
Schedule a time to talk about how to handle expenses moving forward so that she doesnt feel blindsided.
Try not to lecture her about all the money she should have been saving since September.
I get your frustrations.
But really, its irrelevant at this point.
Keep the conversation forward looking.
Show your niece what its costing to maintain the home and ask her what she can afford to contribute.
it’s possible for you to offer to help hermake a budgetorrevamp her resume.
But ultimately, you gotta set a very clear expectation for what you need from her going forward.
Sometimes a looming deadline forces us to act.
This will be a tough conversation.
You had good intentions, but now you have to be the bad guy.
yo dont kid yourself by thinking this situation will change on its own.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
(Can you sense my millennial sarcasm there?)
You know which ones were talking about: rent, utilities, cell phone bill, insurance, groceries…
