Real Answers for Life’s Money Challenges
My mother-in-law is 89 and in good health.
The reason Im writing is that in August 2019, my father-in-lawdiedat age 88 from cancer.
There are eight siblings in total.
My husband is the oldest, and my sister-in-law is fifth and has power of attorney for their parents.
When my father-in-law was in the hospital, my husband spoke to his sister about financial needs.
My sister-in-law and her husband have helped my in-laws for years but said they were tapped out.
He gave them a check for $5,000, money taken out on one of our credit cards.
My sister-in-law accepted the check but completely shut my husband out of participating in my father-in-laws funeral Mass.
She said nothing about her seven siblings or the 13 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren.
If he insists, I only want him to give $500, not $5,000.
What should we do?
Thats not to say you and your husband shouldnt consider what you’re free to afford.
But you’re gonna wanna separate your budget from petty family drama.
You dont have to like your sister-in-law.
One, giving a eulogy for a parent is really hard.
Her message may not have come across as intended due to nerves and grief.
More important, though, is the fact that your sister-in-law helped out your in-laws for years.
Supporting someone while theyre living counts a lot more than giving a good eulogy.
Give her credit for that even if you think she mishandled the funeral.
With eight siblings, perhaps they could spread out the cost of your mother-in-laws final arrangements more evenly.
Maybe by planning for this eventual expense now, they can lessen the burden on any one sibling.
Are you struggling to cope with financial stress?
First, take a deep breath.
Then, take a look at our roundup ofresources to help you manage your stress and your money.
Bear in mind, though, that paying for a funeral isnt like buying a Super Bowl ad.
Spending more doesnt necessarily get you more time.
With eight siblings, that would make for a really long funeral.
venture to separate the money aspect from how the service is handled.
Thats up to your husband and his siblings to decide.
Think of how youd want your husband to respond to a death in your immediate family.
Meanwhile, give support to your mother-in-law while shes living.
That doesnt have to involve money.
Make regular visits a priority if you dont already.
Your husband should encourage his siblings to do the same.
Quit worrying so much about the details of your mother-in-laws funeral thats hopefully a long time away.
The right thing to do here is to focus on making her remaining years meaningful instead.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
Send your tricky money questions to[email protected].
