Talking about money with your loved ones can feel uncomfortable.
It can be awkward.
It can be so difficult that you just avoid bringing up the subject altogether.
But youre not doing yourself any favors by putting off the conversation.
She recently joined The Penny Hoarder for an online discussion where she shared tips and advice.
The following is an abridged version of that conversation, edited for length and clarity.
10 Questions With Erin Lowry of Broke Millennial
1.
Why do you think it is so taboo to talk about money?
I really think that thats the word that sums it up.
Oftentimes, we are fairly comfortable talking about money with total strangers.
And theres no risk there.
Im probably never going to see them again, so people get really vulnerable and open.
Probably not as good as youd like.
It always seems like an uphill battle to build (and keep) a decent amount in savings.
But what if your car breaks down, or you have a sudden medical bill?
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3.
What should you do if you want to have a money talk with someone but theyre very hesitant?
It depends on who the person is and why youre trying to initiate the conversation.
Theres a big difference when you and your partner are getting really serious and about to move in together.
Thats then a necessity to be having the financial conversation.
You really need to allow this to be a very collaborative conversation.
How do you know when youre in the right place in your relationship to start talking about finances?
When you realize that its that level of seriousness, you oughta have the full conversation.
It doesnt have to happen all in one conversation.
It can be an evolving conversation over time.
Should you wait to get married when youre both in debt?
No, not necessarily.
My husband had over $50,000 worth of student loans when we got married.
We truly need to reframe how we think of prenups and think of it more like marriage insurance.
No, thats not true.
Everybody getting married has a prenup.
Its the default laws of your state.
And the other thing is I dont think of debt as a red flag for a relationship.
What is a red flag is how the debt is being handled today.
But now they have a plan andtheyre paying it off.
If instead theres a continual cycle of creating debt, that is a red flag.
Say you and your husband want to buy a couch.
You want to spend $3,000, and he wants to spend $1,000.
Well, $2,000 would be the compromise, meeting in the middle.
And if you havent set any as a couple, take a minute to do so.
Your goals are the north star of your entire financial plan.
Do you have any advice for people on navigating cultural norms when talking about money with family?
Also, you gotta talk to your parents.
you should probably ask them early on what they want.
You probably have an idea thats the expectation, but its still good to have a chat about it.
For others, your parents might tell you dont worry about it.
Just because they tell you that, doesnt mean youre not going to worry about it.
Over time though, it does need to start to become more of a real conversation about the finances.
How do you bounce back from a falling out with someone about money?
That doesnt mean that anytime theres any difficulty or strife, you say, Im out!
But it is an important thing to keep in mind.
It really does help provide context for why you keep saying no or keep pushing back.
Now, just because you have different values doesnt give you the right to belittle their values.
Lets use an example of going out to brunch.
Bottomless brunch is going to cost like 50 bucks and you dont want to spend that much.
How about we grab a bagel and go for a walk in the park?
Or how about you come over and Ill cook us some brunch?
Provide some sort of alternative solution for the fact that youre saying no.
Now remember, theyre free to do whatever it was they initially planned to do.
Just because youre removing yourself from the equation doesnt mean that they have to adjust plans.
Another thing you’re free to do is join later.
I really love this for birthday dinners and splitting the check.
You could join for dessert after or for a drink after.
Youll miss that whole part thats going to cost the most amount of money.
Just tell your friend youre going to do that ahead of time.
Do you think this experience of living through the pandemic will help people become more comfortable talking about money?
I really hope so.
You could have had your financial house in totally great shape.
So that might give us the flexibility to have less judgment wrapped up in some of these financial conversations.
Nicole Dow is a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
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